brought myself to buenos aires

better times on the roadLying in my bed the day before my Journey to Buenos Aires my mind was racing with thoughts of what I was to encounter in my seven months in South America. First I expected to be speaking fluent Spanish within about three months, sadly that hasn’t come true yet. I envisioned a completely exotic world and my mind was creating places that didn’t even exist. I refused to look at pictures of Buenos Aires, nor the rest of South America. I didn’t want to fill my mind with images of what was to come, I loved the reality of unreality, the images that my brain were conjuring up surely would come to life as soon as I stepped off the plane, unfortunately they didn’t and they still haven’t.

Why do humans anxiously pace back in forth in their brain anticipating what is to come next? It would be so much easier if we never knew what was coming or never even thought about it, living completely in the moment, like that cheesy book that was one of Oprah’s book club selections. As I sit writing this blog entry I’m trying to concentrate on my life in Buenos Aires, my new friends, the beautiful weather, the adventures I’ve had and the new ones to come, but sadly I can’t get my mind off the fact that after next semester I will be graduating. The hard truth that I will be entering the real world dominates my every waking moment, so intense at times that I go on two hour internet binges looking at jobs that I have no interests in. I read and reread my resume and though it never changes-my perspective on what I’ve done shoots off in random directions- at times I feel I’ve done great things and that the best is yet to come, but other times I think I haven’t accomplished anything at all. One of the themes that de Botton discusses is his book has come to exist in my own life- I made the mistake of bringing myself on my vacation. Most people will never get to do a semester abroad, or live in another country for seven months when there only 21 years old. I’m grateful for having the opportunity to be here but unfortunately most of the time only by body feels like its here, my mind is wandering in realms of anxious anticipation. I constantly repeat the question over in my mind, What am I going to do with my life? I’m thousands of miles from home in a beautiful foreign country but somehow I managed to drag my life with me. Id love to be living completely in the moment here in Buenos Aires, but somehow I can’t escape my own nervous ponderings on who I am and what I’m doing here. At times I completely love my life in Buenos Aires but I feel that what I’m doing here is somewhat pointless. I think I should be in the US, looking for jobs, planning what my life will be like, not partying in Buenos Aires, kind of learning a different language. I wish I hadn’t brought myself to Buenos Aires but the truth of the matter is that I’m here and I should make the most of my experience as I can.