Final Reflections from Berlin: Rewards and Privilege

Not the Brandenburg Gate, the Brandenburgtor: Asking where it is in German makes a huge differenceI’d like to use this post to speak on the positive and exclusively positive aspects of my Study Abroad experience. Throughout the semester, I’ve found many uses for this blog. One of the most important uses I found is for venting, for cathartic expression, and for a place to post my feelings in isolation from the rest of the small group that is here. As a result, I may have come off as too negative or frustrated or whatever, but I’d like my final reflections to show that this actually was one of the best experiences of my life. The personal growth I’ve experienced while abroad is amazing, and I believe that I’ll return to New York a different person.

To speak on the rewarding aspects of the program in particular is probably the most daunting task of trying to write this entry. The concept of “rewards” calls to mind friends and acquaintances talking about travelling to a so-called “Third World” or “Developing” part of the globe and helping the people there. Through imposition of religion, education, or public health measures, the people of these impoverished areas are generally seen as “improved” or “developed,” and so the rewards come from feeling as if one’s improved the status of someone else’s life. I understand that my use of safety quotations might implicate my criticism of the practices I am discussing but that isn’t my central concern. My central focus is directed at is a question: What kind of rewards can a white, male, private-school attending (read: privileged) expect to receive from a study abroad trip that seems overwhelmingly selfish and unconcerned with the “bettering” of others? Well, I believe the answer might lie in the left-out others of the scenario. That is, I myself have reaped the rewards of this trip.

So how do I deal with these rewards, then? Well, I suppose it depends on the nature of the reward. If I were to write a book based on a 12-Step approach to stop being selfish, I might start with “Step 1: Admit your privilege,” which I have thusfar already done and dealt with on many other occasions. But, next, one must find where their privilege has unjustifiably rewarded them, and how these rewards might better others. I’ll enumerate what my perceived rewarding experiences from this trip are before moving forward into seeing what I can do with them: (1) US-European Travel, (2) Intra-European Travel, (3) Shopping and Material Consumption in Europe, (4) Going to Dining and Nightlife in Europe, (5) Visiting Museums and Galleries throughout Europe, (6) Living in a Turkish Neighborhood (Kreutzberg, Berlin or “Little Istanbul”), (7) Taking Classes in Europe, (8) Learning the German Language, (9) Making New American Friends, Acquaintances, and Contacts, (10) Making New European Friends, Acquaintances, and Contacts.

US-European travel, comfortable but expensive, has allowed me to peacefully and efficiently come abroad on more than one occasion. The reward of this is wedded to the privilege of it, as I am still alive and have just completed my third month abroad. I don’t know that there’s a way of making this “unselfish,” aside from sharing my advice and positions to other people who are in a similarly placed position to travel abroad. While I might say the same for Intra-European Travel, I might also say that the reward reaped from these ventures are more exciting stories that have led to my growth as a narrator or story-teller and have placed bonds between me and other travelers. This, too, may only be only a selfishly gained reward, but I know that my family and friends back home love to hear about how I’ve experienced new places outside of Berlin, especially when I travelled to Istanbul and was able to both academically and personally draw parallels between the actual city and the neighborhood I live in. I hope that one day I’ll be able to work to improve the conditions of immigrants given the experience I’ve gained.
As for 3 and 4 on my list, again, I shamefully find that these have only benefitted me while I have been abroad. These have been culturally fulfilling experiences and I wouldn’t change that I did them, but it’s important that I acknowledge that others will maybe never have the same opportunities. The only “paying forward” I might offer here is the list of reviews that I’ve been compiling and will post soon, but again, I know that these are only to the benefit of others in a socio-economic situation that will have allowed them the mobility and extra funding needed to experience these things.

Turning to 5, museums are amazing experiences that are built to culturally fulfill willing patrons. Exposing myself to these museums has been incredibly rewarding and I hope that, no matter where anyone is at any given point, they take a moment to see what the culture they’re surrounded in has produced and values. Even the small city that I grew up in has a museum of its own, and I thought it was really nice when I finally actually got around to visiting it at the age of 17. There is much I can offer here except to say: See museums and see galleries, whether traveling or stationary—and don’t just “see” them, but let yourself be affected by them and grow because of them.

Next, living in a Turkish neighborhood has really breathed humanity into an immigrant population that I had only before known through statistics, case studies, and ethnographies. I think that living with a really tight and very open community has allowed me to think outside of the terms provided by the Academy and its “research.” I decided against pursuing further academic research on the subject after being here, and instead have gained an ableness to see resistance on the ground and within the people, rather than from outside. This, of course, is not to say that I am now “within” the community, but I am trying my hardest to understand their experiences without putting myself directly outside their experiences, working with anthropology or sociology to superimpose what I already know onto a community who already knows themselves so well.

As for 7 and 8, 7 is primarily rewarding because of, like before, it’s tie to the privilege of studying abroad. I wouldn’t like to learn about the EU from anyone besides the daughter of a former EU Bureaucrat. I wouldn’t like to learn German History from someone who hadn’t done research on his own family’s terrible involvement with the holocaust. And, turning to 8, I wouldn’t have wanted to learn German from anyone besides my teacher, a native German speaker and active writer on Jewish Feminist thought. I think the MOST rewarding part about my study abroad trip was being able to carry on an entire conversation in German having only studied it for several months. I don’t think that this could have possibly happened anywhere else and it’s made me feel tremendously happy and accomplished. I really enjoy being able to interact more as German and less like a traveler, and feel that Berlin, a city of expats, really welcomes and opens more doors for people willing to learn the language.

What’s closely related, then, is the accumulation of European and American friends. This, too, has been such a rewarding and unique experience that I wish I could share with everyone, but it makes no sense to try and explain friendships. I just urge anyone who wants to and is willing to study abroad to also be willing to putting themselves out there because you really can’t expect to grow without the support and the happiness that is borne out of making new friends, especially in countries that you might have never thought it was possible to make friends.