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Frustration at the Halfway Point
I once had a primary goal when I decided to come here. Somewhere along the way, I tucked that goal in the back of my mind and forgot all about it until after I arrived. Two happy and glorious months whizzed by. Then, one night, I couldn’t fall asleep because that goal I had forgotten about was staring me right in the face.
YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO COME BACK FLUENT IN FRENCH, YA DUMMY.
Oops.
“You must be improving though, maybe without even realizing it,” reassured my parents when I called home to whine.
“Marginally. Not exponentially.”
I know where I went wrong.
See, I know I had the right foundation to come back fluent. I’ve always loved French. I’ve always had a special enthusiasm for my French courses above all other courses. It just seems like more of a hobby than work, like taking pictures or learning to play an instrument. Getting college credits for my hobby is a pretty sweet deal.
“Vous serez bilangue,” a professor once said to me when I told him I was planning on studying abroad in Paris. I was really happy that day.
Then, I did this silly thing where I blew an American bubble for me to live in when I got to Paris.
American Things:
- Roommate
- School
- Friends
- Classes (2)
- Thoughts
French Things:
- Classes (2)
- Waiters
- Strangers
- Friends (3ish)
- Movies
Exercising knowledge of French: Check
Mastering French language: …
I unconsciously chose comfort over challenge. Becoming fluent means living with a host family, taking classes at a French university, socializing in French, thinking in French. It would have been a struggle, it would have been frustrating and uncomfortable, there would have been days of wanting to give up. But if I pushed myself, I could have done it.
Instead, I got my own apartment with a good friend. Half my classes are in English; I spend more time with Americans than with French people. I use my French as much as I can, which is not enough. I’m happy because I’m having a good time. I’m frustrated because I know this is my last chance to become fluent, really fluent in French. It’s now or never. Right now, it’s leaning towards the latter.
I guess I have two months to push myself a lot harder.
spanglish
yea the same thing with me. granted i came to argentina not knowing too much spanish, but i definitely thought i would be speaking it more. i have certainly broadened my knowledge of the language, and understand soo much more than i ever have before, but when it comes to speaking (especially when you know most of your friends are from NYU and understand english), i freeze up and resort to speaking the language i know best. Further still, i feel like i dont even speak english that well anymore. i spend so much of my time thinking in spanish, memorizing terms etc, that my english vocabulary has gone out the window and i communicate in a butchered spanglish combination of the two languages.
yes and no
Hey,
I know what you are saying on so many levels, but ¡no it's not your last chance! You can always make yourself go back to a French-speaking place, even if you just go to Montreal.
I did sort of the same thing, I mean, I think a lot of us did. Although I'm living in a homestay, half my classes (plus this one) are in English and all my friends are from the NYU group. I speak a good deal of Spanish, but definitely, definitely, definitely never enough.
There have been a few times when me and my friends hold entire conversations/hangouts in the language, and I think this is the closest thing to a solution, but it's hard to keep it up.
Good luck to all of us.
Yup
I did the same thing. And ALL my classes are in English. And my French friends always just want to practice their English.