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Inevitably, necessarily wonderful
"I love nothing, I'm Parisian" (Photo by Monica Burton)At the start of The Art of Travel, de Botton talks about how the beauty of a different place, its allure or even the distraction of its novelty, can’t change certain facts about how we’re feeling, what we worry about, or the flaws and imperfections and dissatisfactions that are an inevitable part of who we are at a given time. This, to me, is a really brilliant and important conclusion, one that I’m beginning to learn.
The thing about Paris is that it has to be wonderful. Always. Since I arrived here three weeks ago, I’ve received so many eager emails from family and friends, all asking how fantastic it is to live in Paris, what a magical city it must be. It’s a lot of pressure. Of course, Paris is fantastic, and even though I’ve only begun to explore the city, I do think I’m going to love living here. But liking a city doesn’t mean the city alone can make you happy. De Botton , for instance, writes about his own anxieties and petty arguments set against the idyllic backdrop of Barbados. I wander the cobblestone streets of the Marais or trek uphill in Belleville; by the end of the day, my knees hurt and I’m too tired to make dinner. I walk to school along the Seine and down a charming little street packed with boulangeries, but I’ve never been so stressed about trying to organize my class schedule than in this past week, and so overworked from a simple preliminary course that I still don’t feel like I know Paris at all. And, after my first week in Paris, my boyfriend came to visit from Copenhagen, and left at the end of the weekend as only my friend. It’s more difficult to motivate myself to go out on adventures in the city and simply have a good time when, despite seeing the Eiffel tower glittering from my balcony, I don’t feel happy, and even a basement jazz concert or a box of macarons can only put me in a good mood for a little while. I’ve begun to think that Paris is simultaneously the best and worst city for someone with a broken heart. But I also think that as the way I feel changes, my relationship to Paris will as well, and I think that’s going to be a really fulfilling experience.
Though unrelated, I also liked how de Botton talked about the signs at the airport in Amsterdam, how they were unfamiliar and what their differences meant to him. When I first landed at Charles de Gaulle, I noticed that the arrows suggesting “forward” or “straight ahead” point down. In the U.S. they point up. I’m not sure of the cultural significance of this difference; perhaps it has something to do with the clichés of American optimism versus French coldness, though that might be a bit of a stretch. (Before I arrived, my Parisian friend warned me that Parisians are mean, but I haven’t really experienced much of it since I’ve been here.)
Location
Paris
Life is Life no Matter where you are
Every time I sign onto facebook or skype I'm bombarded with questions on how my life is in Buenos Aires. Everyone is like tell me an amazing story, how is your love life, did you eat a good steak last night and so on and so forth. Its so hard to admit to friends of family members that sometimes life in paradise just isnt what it seems to be. Being in a foreign place may be amazing in theory but it presents plenty of problems in day to day existence. I can't help but think about my life back at home, what it will be like when I graduate and sometimes I find myself counting the days until I get back to the US. But at other times I feel completley at home in this foreign realm. I think that is the paradox of study abroad, amazing at times, anxiety provoking at others, a love hate relationship that kicks your ass sometimes but gives you a foot massage afterwards.
I feel ya...
I totally understand what you mean when you said it's a lot of pressure! I mean, on the one side, when I was still back in NY and people went abroad, I was that person who would say things like "It must be so amazing! Aren't you having the time of your life??" And now that I'm on the other side, I realize how unmagical things can really be. I was talking to a friend who's here in Florence with me about that and she was saying how it was so difficult for her to explain to people back home that she had a bad day. "Now that I'm in Europe, suddenly I'm not allowed to have a bad day?" It's funny how we automatically associate foreign places with these paradises where nothing can go wrong. On the flip side, I've been finding it kind of hard to talk to friends about how incredible it really is being abroad. Almost like rubbing it in their faces, "I'm in Europe and you're not!" (That also goes along with facebook pictures and being tagged in a billion of them so your friends at home can see with their own eyes that you're having an amazing time.) So I find myself constantly trying to balance telling it like it is, both the good and the bad.
Real Life Continues
I am so sorry to hear what happened with your boyfriend. It is so hard to be in a foreign place attempt to "start a new life" while you still have your old life that goes on.
Your post reminds me a lot of a conversation that I had with my mother tonight.
I was talking to her just as I would normally talk to her discussing various problems I am having with my bank account, and things going on with family members, being sure to cover all the bases as it is not always easy to check in at home! Her response is, "don't worry about these things, I want you to be enjoying your time in Paris, not stressing about things here." While I understand what she is saying, I had to remind her that although being in Paris is wonderful and an experience that I feel lucky to have, it doesn't mean that my life outside of Paris stops. Everything still goes on and you can't necessarily forget about the friends, family, relationships, or problems that exist at home. While yes, Paris is a magical and insanely beautiful city, it's still a daily life, that is not always smooth sailing.